Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
