Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
