I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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