I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
