I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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