I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
