we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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