I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
