dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
