wakey wakey hands off snakey
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
