xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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