party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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