Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
