HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I had to cum in my sink.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
