Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
