A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
