i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
