Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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