I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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