Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
