Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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