we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Randomize
