We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
