I wannas sexs uuuuu
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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