I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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