you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
