I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
if only i could text you this smell
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
