Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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