I have demons in me.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
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