You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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