A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
