someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
My vagina is very pro this idea
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
