3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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