A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
We had sex on a dog bed..
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
