umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
