WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Randomize
