I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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