So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I have post one night stand depression
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