oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
