i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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