Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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