That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
soo... how was my night?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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