I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
