can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
