I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
