Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
