So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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