I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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