guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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