We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
