There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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