Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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