I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
