is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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