She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
